So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
