No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize