We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
