I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
