Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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