The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
