he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
