i was born a porn star she said
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
