I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
