Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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