If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
