Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize