This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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