you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
