:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
