You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
