Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
