I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
