you win again, gameday.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
