My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
