if i can run in heels then i can drive
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
