I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
