There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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