I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
