high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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