So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
