I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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