Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
