I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
