Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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