this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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