Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
