Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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