remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
