I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
