Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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