i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
