seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
