i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
