just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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