smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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