Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
