I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
