I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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