My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
