You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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