Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
