You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
