But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
