how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
