smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
