they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
