if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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