maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
