why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
