Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just invented taco cereal.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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