You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
