I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
