Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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