im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
