she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize