If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Someone came in the potted fern
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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