He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
