There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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