Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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