she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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