After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
