Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
bring money and cleavage
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
