As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
