Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
