Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
