Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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