And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
