Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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