im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize