Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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