I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We got so high we made milksteak
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
