What did we do last night that was yellow?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
