Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
