Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
